Monday, November 29, 2010
Say What!?!
I often play the back and forth game of would I be happier as a stay at home mom. I know that if I stayed at home I would need to create some sort of supplementary income for my family. I know that me just staying home is not an option. Today was a day that I really struggled. After being off for a week, I returned to work all day. I got home and I was exhausted and felt like I had not seen my kids all day, but felt to tired to play with them. The the guilt set in. I am sending my daughter with my mother again for a week to Independence because I don't like the idea of leaving her with a stranger. So today was a day I wished I could be a stay at home mom. I will miss her while she is gone.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Blog Updated
It has been a while but I have been crazy busy with my circus... I am back! I have updated my page and am going to try...to do a better job of coming up with interesting...unedited material to share
Why I do the things that I do
I am often asking myself why? Why I work full time? Why do I feel like I can never catch up? Am I enough for my kids? Why do I have the most understanding of myself now, but also seem like I am so different than who I was? Are the people around me able to accept the change? What is the cost of this new found self knowledge? Who will not be able to relate or accept where I am at? I have been a hand holder, an accommodater, my whole life. I have been to afraid to have a voice because I wanted to be every one's friend. Is this a really early midlife crisis (because of course I am way to young to have one). Have I become numb? Jaded? And in this thought I think...I I I jeez... Making my head swim just thinking about IT.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
A "Real" Christian
I have pondered this a lot the last few months...Maybe it has been noticed by others. Anyway, I struggle with this one a lot because I have a very strong feeling about what a Christian should look like. It has always differed from what social standards have represented Christians to be in the Catholic, Protestant, and Secular divisions of social influence. My main thought is this.
Many feel that Christians should be held to a different standard. Some Christians themselves hold other Christians to a different standard or judge others level of faith based on their behavior. I have always struggled with that thought process both within myself and with the people around me.
My thought...God gave his only son to die for our sins... their is no disclaimer in that statement that says. "In Case" or "if needed" God knew even before he sent Jesus to walk this earth among his people that we would sin, that we were failing. He knew BEFORE... that we would not be able to be perfect that we would fail. So he sent his son because he loved us and he wanted us with him regardless of where we may fall short.
And as difficult as it is for us to understand. Especially because of what society deems unforgivable and not. We ALL will need Jesus to die for our sins... We all have fallen short and will continue to be unworthy over and OVER and OVER again. To pick apart others for there sins and to worry about what they have done it just doesn't make since to me. To not judge in a society the thrives to much on doing just that is very difficult.
To me... what sets a christian apart, isn't the image that they portray, or the donations that they make, or the checks that they sign... To me what I see as a Christian is a humble person, who knows they are no better than any other, that they will fall short just as much as the next guy. To me the "image" of a Christian is not someone who always makes the right choices or says the right things. I think a "real" Christian can look like anything! Sound like Anyone! Makes horrible choices like all of us do. They can be in the bar, or at the casino...they are not less of a Christian based on the choices they make.
What a real Christian looks like to me is the person that grabs the hand of a fellow christian that just made that bad choice, and without judgment helps them get back on there feet. A "real" Christian to me...is the person that understands that forgiveness is the most amazing gift that God gives us, and we don't deserve it anymore than the next guy. That to forgive another person for a sin that they have committed against you, is one of the biggest most amazing examples of Gods love that you can share with another person. That to me is showing Gods love to others.
I am so amazed by those people. I see them and I think WOW! That is amazing. What an amazing person of faith. I strive to be that person. The person that can try to be capable of forgiveness regardless of the pain. Also a person who can lay it down and give it to God when I fall short. A person that will not hold onto or focas on what sins are commited by others, around me or to me. I have not right! No one does. I strive to not try to represent myself as perfect or incapable of sin. I want to be the WOW person. I want to search for who I am and what I can do for others to show what Gods mercy looks like.
Many feel that Christians should be held to a different standard. Some Christians themselves hold other Christians to a different standard or judge others level of faith based on their behavior. I have always struggled with that thought process both within myself and with the people around me.
My thought...God gave his only son to die for our sins... their is no disclaimer in that statement that says. "In Case" or "if needed" God knew even before he sent Jesus to walk this earth among his people that we would sin, that we were failing. He knew BEFORE... that we would not be able to be perfect that we would fail. So he sent his son because he loved us and he wanted us with him regardless of where we may fall short.
And as difficult as it is for us to understand. Especially because of what society deems unforgivable and not. We ALL will need Jesus to die for our sins... We all have fallen short and will continue to be unworthy over and OVER and OVER again. To pick apart others for there sins and to worry about what they have done it just doesn't make since to me. To not judge in a society the thrives to much on doing just that is very difficult.
To me... what sets a christian apart, isn't the image that they portray, or the donations that they make, or the checks that they sign... To me what I see as a Christian is a humble person, who knows they are no better than any other, that they will fall short just as much as the next guy. To me the "image" of a Christian is not someone who always makes the right choices or says the right things. I think a "real" Christian can look like anything! Sound like Anyone! Makes horrible choices like all of us do. They can be in the bar, or at the casino...they are not less of a Christian based on the choices they make.
What a real Christian looks like to me is the person that grabs the hand of a fellow christian that just made that bad choice, and without judgment helps them get back on there feet. A "real" Christian to me...is the person that understands that forgiveness is the most amazing gift that God gives us, and we don't deserve it anymore than the next guy. That to forgive another person for a sin that they have committed against you, is one of the biggest most amazing examples of Gods love that you can share with another person. That to me is showing Gods love to others.
I am so amazed by those people. I see them and I think WOW! That is amazing. What an amazing person of faith. I strive to be that person. The person that can try to be capable of forgiveness regardless of the pain. Also a person who can lay it down and give it to God when I fall short. A person that will not hold onto or focas on what sins are commited by others, around me or to me. I have not right! No one does. I strive to not try to represent myself as perfect or incapable of sin. I want to be the WOW person. I want to search for who I am and what I can do for others to show what Gods mercy looks like.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Dinner tonight
You know what my favorite thing about emealz is...
My kids want to help with dinner and it has become a family project every night. Instead of dreading trying to figure out what to have every day we grab the menu on Saturday and are so excited to see what we are going to have and then the kids help with the prep work and even today Ashton made the home fries. I am feeling better about letting them be around the stove and work with raw food.
Also Preston my picky eater if he helps make it then he will at least try it.
Tonight...Greek hamburgers and home fries.
And wow they were so good!
I love having something different every night!
My kids want to help with dinner and it has become a family project every night. Instead of dreading trying to figure out what to have every day we grab the menu on Saturday and are so excited to see what we are going to have and then the kids help with the prep work and even today Ashton made the home fries. I am feeling better about letting them be around the stove and work with raw food.
Also Preston my picky eater if he helps make it then he will at least try it.
Tonight...Greek hamburgers and home fries.
And wow they were so good!
I love having something different every night!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Warning... Reflective thoughts
Another headliner alum has past to soon. I was heart broken to hear the news. It is so sad to think that another amazing young life was lost to saddess. That a person can feel like they have nothing left to offer. I only knew him for a minute of his life, but what I knew of him when I was in that group with him... Was that he was a cool laid back guy that knew who he was and didn't have to put on an act.
What I have learned from all of this is to assume that everything is fine because a friend try's to act tough and doesn't want anyone to see how bad they are hurting.
I know that I have moments of darkness. There have been times lately that not only have I felt sad but that my existance has been more hurtful to the people around me then helpful. That things that I have done or not done are unforgiveable and have made me unworthy of my life and the people who I know. It is a dark and lonely place. And the further you get into it... The more alone you feel.
My thoughts go to being aware of the words I speak to other people and my actions. Words are swords sometimes. I would never want to regret for the rest of my life saying or not saying something that would spark that kind of feeling of lonelieness and pain.
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What I have learned from all of this is to assume that everything is fine because a friend try's to act tough and doesn't want anyone to see how bad they are hurting.
I know that I have moments of darkness. There have been times lately that not only have I felt sad but that my existance has been more hurtful to the people around me then helpful. That things that I have done or not done are unforgiveable and have made me unworthy of my life and the people who I know. It is a dark and lonely place. And the further you get into it... The more alone you feel.
My thoughts go to being aware of the words I speak to other people and my actions. Words are swords sometimes. I would never want to regret for the rest of my life saying or not saying something that would spark that kind of feeling of lonelieness and pain.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Monday, May 31, 2010
Adi singing
Adi was singing a song she made up in the car... I think it is Italian.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Vacation at the Schuetz's...
We didn't get to fish because it rained but we had a blast hanging out with family! It was great that we have now been up there two times in 4 months. For us that is an accomplishment. We normally have trouble getting up there twice a year!
Adi had a blast on the swing!
The kiddie loved having the chance to play outside!
We didn't get to fish because it rained but we had a blast hanging out with family! It was great that we have now been up there two times in 4 months. For us that is an accomplishment. We normally have trouble getting up there twice a year!
Adi had a blast on the swing!
The kiddie loved having the chance to play outside!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Emealz day #2
Meal Day #2
Again another hit!
Italian Panini Sandwiches and Chips
My family is all walking away with full tummies!
at guess what about $1.00 per serving!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
The first supper
We just got back from the store and I made our first emeal...
Our meal....fetachinni alfredo with chicken, brocolli, and garlic bread...
It took me all of about 15-20 minutes to prepare and my cost...
Drum roll please.... Around 1.50 per serving.
The kids ate it the hubby ate it...so I would say mission accomplished for sure!
Tomorrow menu item...
Overnight French toast!
Breakfast for dinner a family favorite out my house.
- Posted using BlogPress from
my iPhone
Our meal....fetachinni alfredo with chicken, brocolli, and garlic bread...
It took me all of about 15-20 minutes to prepare and my cost...
Drum roll please.... Around 1.50 per serving.
The kids ate it the hubby ate it...so I would say mission accomplished for sure!
Tomorrow menu item...
Overnight French toast!
Breakfast for dinner a family favorite out my house.
- Posted using BlogPress from
my iPhone
IPhone
My iPhone test...
Watch out I think I can blog from my phone! Which means I don't have to think... I can't wait to get to my computer to right this down! So if something happens amazing while I am out and about I will just blog it here... On my phone :-)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Watch out I think I can blog from my phone! Which means I don't have to think... I can't wait to get to my computer to right this down! So if something happens amazing while I am out and about I will just blog it here... On my phone :-)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Emealz
In an attempt to save some money and to stop eating so much fast food...
Chad and I are starting emealz...Our first trip to the store will be today.
For those of you who have not heard of it (however I may be the last to know)
Here is how it works...
You log onto the sight and you pick the strore that you shop at and it makes a menu based on what is on sale in the store that week. You go shopping on the day that the store has it promotions. Like we picked Walmart so we will go shopping today because they run their promotions today.
My hope...is that we can get out of the habit of 1. eating fast food and 2. making fthe same five meals every week.
I will post my feedback, but so far the menu looks pretty tasty!
For more info here is the link:
http://emealz.com
Chad and I are starting emealz...Our first trip to the store will be today.
For those of you who have not heard of it (however I may be the last to know)
Here is how it works...
You log onto the sight and you pick the strore that you shop at and it makes a menu based on what is on sale in the store that week. You go shopping on the day that the store has it promotions. Like we picked Walmart so we will go shopping today because they run their promotions today.
My hope...is that we can get out of the habit of 1. eating fast food and 2. making fthe same five meals every week.
I will post my feedback, but so far the menu looks pretty tasty!
For more info here is the link:
http://emealz.com
We all go through changes in our lives. We all fail and triumph. We all hurt and get hurt. We grieve losses and celebrate new beginnings. We destroy and rebuild. All the things we survive help to grow us. If we survive it we learn from it. No matter what it is. We find clarity on the other side of the situation. Some of the hardest things in life, the times that we think we could never survive are the "game changers" the establishment of faith. I look back and pray for this past couple of months to be my game changer. A re-dedication to my family and my friends. I have been absent. I want to end that now! Maybe no one missed me... I don't know for sure, but I know that my family has...so for them, I plan to make a change. To drop to my knees daily and lay it all down. To grow, to ask forgiveness, and to move forward with the right priorities. To save the world you have to start in your own backyard. I forgot that along the way. I want to change others people's lives, but only with my family and friends right there with me. Not deserting them to make difference.
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